Self Care

A constant and consistent theme concerning grief is the idea of self care. Hospice materials stress the need for caretakers to actively take care of themselves as well as the dying loved one. Self care is difficult when you are wrapped up in the needs of the one you love. I was encouraged by a friend to spend a few days alone at the coast. On July 30, 2008 I wrote:

The more I thought about being away by myself, the more the idea of self care emerged.

I was going to the coast, because I was exhausted from the struggle of watching helplessly as Glen’s strength drained away during three cycles of chemotherapy. I took things with me to pamper myself both physically and spiritually. When I arrived at the coast, the sun was shining and I decided to talk a walk along the beach. I wrote:

I walked south on the road along the coast...I felt as if I was walking like a very old woman...I wondered if this was how the rest of my life would play itself out - a lonely old woman, alone on the beach.

I was desperately in need of some self care. Later, I wrapped myself up in a blanket, took my dinner with me and sat on the balcony watching the sun sink into the ocean. When it was dark I went inside, smeared on my facial mask, poured bath salts and drew a hot bath, lit my candle, poured a glass of wine, and sank into the tub. I wrote:

I felt the tension in my body slowly dissolve away. I was aware that I had turned a corner but was not clear about where I was now headed...

As I was preparing to return home, I felt my strength returning. I wrote:

I truly believe the past two days have revealed to me the things I need (in order) to carry on, to live my life with Glen to the fullest, and if the time comes when I must face living without the love of my life, I will get through that loss.

Taking care of ourself is important; it gives us the strength to live.