Crazy Grief

I began thinking about Crazy Grief in August of this year. All of the information from almost every source tells us that we are not going crazy when we grieve the loss of a loved one. I believe this is meant to help grievers but I think it is a deception. On August 9, 2010 I wrote:

Not that grief is crazy, but that grief makes you crazy. When the physical pain of losing the love of my life hit, so did crazy grief. My cognitive abilities just went away...

The only place I found partial corroboration for crazy grief was at a website by H. Norman Wright http://hnormanwright.com/ in an article “The Crazy Feelings of Grief.” He writes:

“The “crazy” feelings of grief are actually a sane response to grief...examples are all symptoms of normal grief...distorted thinking patterns, “crazy” and irrational thoughts, fearful thoughts...”

However, even his acknowledgment of “Crazy Grief” falls short of the truth - you are crazy. These are also symptoms of being crazy. As I began to explore the idea of crazy grief I looked back through my journal entries and in August 2010 I wrote:

I remember being shocked - totally unaware of the poor level of my job performance (in June 2009). In fact, when someone said to me something like, “it didn’t come as a surprise to you did it?” (referring to my dismal job performance evaluation) I remember thinking, well, yes as a matter of fact I am surprised...

I was totally unaware of the level of my own distorted thinking. Crazy grief, we don’t even realize we are crazy. I think about the words in a Paul Simon song, “losing love is like a window in your heart; everybody sees your torn apart...” With crazy grief everyone but you sees that you are crazy.