The grief literature suggests that following the loss of a loved one our grief can be triggered by situations, cycles, anniversaries, among other things. But you don’t always know when these grief triggers will happen.
A couple of weeks ago, my niece posted photos of Glen’s mom on her facebook page - and I was overcome with intense sadness. The image spoke to me of the look of the physical havoc on the body due to cancer. Wham - grief trigger!
Last weekend I attended a wedding - during the ceremony as the happy couple exchanged their vows I was suddenly overcome with sadness. On 10-11-2010 I wrote:
As I listened to them repeat their vows, I felt my heart slowly rip apart. I floated back to the sunny day in July 1989 when Glen and I pledged our love until death do us part. Tears welled up in my eyes and came tumbling down my cheeks. The void in my life left by the loss of my dear Glen passed over me like a dark shadow.
Wham - grief trigger!
Since the beginning of October I have felt this creeping sadness engulf me. I didn’t want another Wham of crushing grief. I looked back over my journal entries and found the source of this impending sense of loss. On 10-17-08 I wrote:
It always strikes me the way you can tell when someone has news for you that is not great... Doctor K said the tumor was a bit larger, and there were two small spots, very small spots, that were new in his left lung... When Doctor K left the room, Glen turned to me and for the first time said, “I guess it’s not about curing it, but about how long we can keep it at bay”...
This was the first time that what I had know since the initial diagnosis in January that Glen’s death would be the final outcome, was acknowledged by him.
Today, no Wham of grief, just a recognition of the source for my sadness. Anticipating when a grief trigger is coming helps ease the pain.
No comments:
Post a Comment