I am in a phase with my grief where I can’t decide if I’m sad or depressed. It’s that crazy grief again. I cry a lot, feel unmotivated, and can’t stop thinking about my final days with Glen. On March 9, 2009 I wrote:
Elaine left today...a brief visit but one I desperately needed. I gain so much strength from my sisters, even in this “death watch” time when my heart is breaking...
I think about those final days with Glen and the folks who were there to support us during this difficult time. Our friends came to say goodbye.This brought a wonderful smile to Glen’s face in the moments where he is able to join us in this reality. I wrote:
His acknowledgment as they left, “goodbye baby” to the little one who loves him with all of her heart.
People far away call - friends and family alike - people checking in to see how we are doing. Glen’s parents arrive on March 11; we have tried to prepare them but I am unsure if they know how close Glen is to the end of life. I write:
Glen is holding on, sleeping most of the time now, waiting for him mom to come and say goodbye.
And when the end of Glen’s life journey arrives, his brother Mike is on the phone, his parents, his sister, and our two sons sit together around his hospital bed.
Lots of tears but also a time for letting go and guiding him toward the end of his journey in this body and time and space...
This was a time when I felt the support of friends and family. Today, almost 23 months since Glen’s death, I sit alone with my grief. Depression or sadness - I don’t know.
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