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Eighteen months into my grieving process and trying to understand...

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Giveaway Ceremonies


As the end of the year approaches, it is marked by ceremonies of gift giving and gratitude. Last year, the first season of giving without Glen, I purposely included his spirit in gifting. On December 13, 2009 I wrote:


Music was a gift Glen gave to me and I wanted to share this with others.


I spent some time thinking about how to include gifts from Glen to our family. I wanted these gifts to inspire memories of Glen, and gratitude for his life. I continued in my journal:


My nephews’ two boys are musical...I sent them each a Stevie Ray Vaughn CD (from Glen’s collection) because Glen thought he was one of the great guitar players of our musical time...I wanted them to listen and learn and in this way pass along some of Glen’s passion for music.


I sent each of my two nephews a Grateful Dead CD since I knew they both had followed the group during their own youth. I wrote:


Even if they already had copies of the CDs it wouldn’t matter as these were gifts from Glen...


As it turned out, one of the CDs was my older nephews favorite which he had lost several years earlier - much gratitude flowed from this gift. I sent a Willie Nelson CD to Glen’s dad, hoping he had a CD player in his truck - which he did. I sent Glen’s brother a photo of Glen flying in his hang-glider. I wrote:


Glen was joyful when he flew - he was free in a way he could never find “on the ground”...


I sent personal items like a heavy scarf to our nephew in Vermont, and created a special beaded necklace for Glen’s mom, with a silver heart shaped locket containing a picture of her as a young woman and a picture of Glen as a teen. I wrote:


My wish is that this will bring (his mother) joy - good memories of her Glen growing up.


This year, the second giveaway season since Glen’s death, I struggle with the emptiness of having no gifts to send from Glen, nothing left to give, nothing left to receive.

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