First Events

As the Holiday Season approaches, I have been thinking about all of the first events that we face after our loved one has died. Last year I faced the first Thanksgiving. On November 25, 2009 the day before Thanksgiving, I wrote:

It is rare that you get to know something is “the last time” it will occur. Certainly last year I knew there was the possibility that it would be Glen’s final Thanksgiving - but it was nothing I truly acknowledged...

The next day, November 26, 2009, I wrote:

Thanksgiving - the first one without Glen - a tough day to get through...

I cooked a traditional meal and was mindful of all the various stages of food preparation that I did. Yet there was a lot of empty space throughout the day. I needed to find a way to fill this time. I wrote:

During the time I spent preparing the feast, I played music - this filled the emptiness in the house because Glen was not here...I filled the space with the music we shared...

The music I chose to play had special meaning in terms of our relationship. I was missing Glen’s presence and wanted to remember him. I wrote:

I played the Eric Clapton album with the song...You Look Wonderful Tonight...that played when Glen and I walked down the aisle...I remember that Glen selected this song and it occurs to me that the words and story are how he felt about us - and my heart aches with the loss of our story...

One piece of music I did not play was Arlo Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant. Glen and I always listened to this song on Thanksgiving. I think this year I will play it. The second time through these events is less difficult.