I’ve noticed I’m simply passing time these days. I have no awareness of purpose; it feels the same as when Glen was dying - one day simply follows another. Time just drags me along. July 2008 I wrote:
I find myself passing time, in every aspect of my life...passing time, day to day, the clock ticking down until what?
My life was controlled by the cycle of chemotherapy and care taking. I needed to take control, not simply drift along in time. I wrote:
I have to figure out what to do for myself. So I took my first walk in over a year...these are my first steps to acknowledging I have a right to a life.
Throughout my grief process I have contemplated time - time left until death came, time since death occurred, time to grieve. So now I am again simply carried along by time. I must figure out a path, one that is self directed, purposeful in my daily activities. Time to be alive!
No comments:
Post a Comment